Husband, Sister, Family, Somebody Help Me!!!

Have you ever sat back and wondered how you got here? To the very present you are? Growing up I always envisioned something so very different than what I live now. And to be where I wanted to be is a road that isn't even an option because of the sacrafice it would put on my family. And I'm not the type of person to ask anyone to sacrafice for me...or I use to be that type of person I should say.

See I've been noticing how unhappy I am in my day to day life. The stress is overwhelming and I'm causing unmeasurable amounts of damage to my heart and soul. I want to be out in the public with adults and people. I want the interaction, even if it is minimal. I want a purpose that I get noticed for. But I don't want to leave my kids with strangers and miss out on what is yet to come with them. I don't want to not meet up to the expectations everyone else has for me to be this house wife. I don't want to let anyone else down but yet I damage myself in the mix of it all.

I've been asking my husband to help out, so I can get a break and regroup. His helping out consist of sitting in the chair while the kids tear the house apart and dishes pile up. How is he making this any better? I talk until my face is blue and I get no where. His apathy is to much and I feel this spiral around me just sucking me deeper into this hole I'm never going to get out of.

I'm at my wits end for everything. I can feel myself starting to not care about anything. And I hate it. I want a family who really is atuned to each other not just passing each other in life. I can't make this happen by myself and yet no one cares to reach out.